Marriage

How can I get my spouse interested in personal growth?

The very best thing you can do, is to raise the level of your game as a spouse. Our husbands, our wives, they watch us like hawks.  They sence what’s happening.  When you raised the level of your game, there is something that is noticed.  They notice a beneficial change. Now, I gotta tell you something, especially if you’re a guy.  What guys see as confidence can be perceived as arrogance by their spouse. I see guys, and it’s really kind of, especially guys, that brag about this.  They brag about what they’re becoming.  What they’re learning.  They brag about it or they keep talking about it. There is an arrogance thing that turns ladies off. I know this. I have done this.  I have seen that in Polly’s eyes.

I teach it.  I have to be very careful.  This is my life and my caree.   I have to be very careful when there are things that I’m confident about.   I need to be very careful that doesn’t come across as arrogance, especially to my wife.  There’s an old saying, “What you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you say.”  You can take your level professionally in a direction or with other relationships.   But you can not say to your spouse, “Look, if you would learn this, you would be able to…”  You can do that at work.  You can do that with a child. You can do that with a friend.  “If you learn this, you’d be able to…”.   Don’t do that with a spouse. You’ll see how well that works. Not only will it immediately makes your spouse less likely to join you in your quest for personal growth or anything else.  It will eventually drag on you so much that you won’t be paying attention to it either.

You sort of quietly become the person other people want to be around. That will eventually make you into a person your spouse wants to be around more than they ever have.  You’ll have quiet times that happen. Your spouse is in a great mood. You’ll start talking and they’ll wonder, have you been more fun lately?  You’ve had a lighter heart.  They wonder what have you been doing that has turned you into this better person. You’ll suddenly find that that book you’ve been reading in the bathroom has two bookmarks in it.   They’re starting to pick up some of the stuff.   Now, I have to say, and I don’t like to do this very often.  With The Traveler’s Gift, With The Noticer,  with my books that are stories.  If you can present those books to somebody instead of saying, this will change your life, or this has his great principles, this is one of the best personal growth. Don’t say that. Just say this is a killer story. You’re gonna love this story. Just get people into the interesting part of it.  They’ll pick up what they need to learn.   They’ll pick up what you want them to learn as well. But it’s easier to get your spouse interested in personal growth by not saying you need to be interested in personal growth.

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