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Marriage

Is being different from your spouse a good thing in marriage?

Actually, it’s a necessary thing, not just a good things, a necessary thing. Polly and I’ve been married a while, but I remember early on, maybe in the first couple of years, I remember thinking, oh my gosh, I remember Polly and I coming to the conclusion or the awareness and we didn’t really talk about it a lot. I think it scared us to death. We’re nothing alike. I mean, we are nothing alike. We’re not like at all. And it was kind of scary. And so your question is being different a good thing? Yeah, it’s a necessary thing. And here’s how I came to that conclusion. We went to Jones and I remember talking to Jones, the old man from The Noticer, and I was scared to say anything because I thought he was going to say, well gosh, you guys have really made a mistake here. And I said, man, there’s not anything that we kind of both like we’re just, we’re just completely different. And Jones just laughed and he said, well, that’s great. He said, because if you were both just alike, one of you would be unnecessary.

And it’s true if we’re patient with each other, we can find ways to work as a team and ways to be effective as a couple that we could never do our own. And so we can either see those differences as a negative or we can see those differences as somebody to filling a hole in our game. How would I put this? I know we’re just a couple, but we’re a team. And so think about a team of quarterbacks… you know, you could have Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and Drew Brees and any number of incredible quarterbacks all on one team together. And you would have nothing but the highest payroll in the league. You wouldn’t win any games because to win games, we require people with different skillsets.

We’ve got to have somebody blocking. We’ve got to have somebody who can run, someone who has the vision for hidden the hole that the blockers. We gotta have somebody who can kick and we gotta have somebody can catch.  I have to have somebody who can catch a punt, so there are skill sets in marriage that if they are totally different, you have an advantage as a couple in what you can do and the value that you can present for other people. And there’s a whole level of interest.  Because I’ll just tell you, if you show me a couple of who doesn’t disagree, they don’t you know, kind of get into it occasionally you show me a couple like that, I’ll show you a couple that doesn’t spend much time together or they don’t really care a lot or they’re more highly evolved than I am.

We all have our opinions and we all have our likes and our dislikes and sometimes, maybe most times, we find that our most significant relationship is with somebody who is very, very different from us. And that shouldn’t scare us. That is the exciting part that attracted us from the beginning. They were interesting. We were interested, you know, think about somebody who has to have a discussion with somebody who already knows everything they know.  There’s nothing you can teach and there’s nothing they can offer. There’s nothing you can learn. They’re just alike. So yes, being different from your spouse is a good thing. It can be aggravating, but it is a good thing. It is an advantage.

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